[HAAAAAAALLELUJAH!]

[HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!]

[HALLE-AAA-AA-LUJAH!]

After 4 years and 3 months, Natalie is sleeping through the night!!!!!!

I repeat, Natalie is sleeeeeeeping throoooooooough the niiiiiiiiiight!!!!!!

[HAAAAAAALLELUJAH!]

Ok, to be fair, she hasn’t been waking up the same way a baby would since she was a little over two years old, but she was waking up every. single. night. and coming into our bed to sleep. And we’d tried various things to curb this behavior, but it never worked for more than a week or so, when we would all revert back into the same bad habits.

Most recently we tried rewarding her with a TV show in the morning if she stayed in her bed all night, and no TV if she came into our room. The third night she came in saying, “I don’t want to watch my show tomorrow.” I was feeling really defeated.

And then one day, in March, she stayed in her bed all night. I think it was a fluke, but we jumped on it. I gave her chocolate as a reward. Rainbow non-perils to be exact. Before breakfast. Hey, after 4+ years of interrupted sleep (more if you count the pregnancy) mom gets a little desperate. We marked the success with a sticker on the calendar and told Natalie that she could choose a toy from the store if she could get seven consecutive stickers.

Natalie's Reward Fairies

After she picked out the fairies from the toy store, we wanted to offer Natalie an additional incentive to keep the momentum going—because 7 great nights doesn’t break a 4+ year habit! So, we promised her a party if she could fill the rest of month up with stickers on the calendar. Natalie loves parties, so it worked!!! She was so excited, she was telling anyone who would listen about the party she was going to have (with cake!) when it wasn’t even her birthday! Ultimately, whatever the reward, she was just ready.

Party time!!

The nice thing about offering a party as an incentive was that it was a reward and a celebration at once. Natalie got to bask in her accomplishment in with her friends–her pride was palpable—and enjoy yummy cake shaped like a bed! And we got to tell Natalie that once she had her party, she wouldn’t need any more rewards to sleep in her bed all night. And, a month after her party, she hasn’t.

Party Girls!Ula, Natalie & Josie wearing their fabulous party hats!

Says Natalie, "this bed cake is daaaamn good!"

Yoshi & Artie love cake!

So proud!!

[HAAAAAAALLELUJAH!]

[HAAAAAAALLELUJAH!]

[HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!]

[HAAALLEAAA-LUJAH!]

Natalie was excited for the first class, but she quickly fell apart when it was time to separate from me and join the chaos of getting all the little swimmers to their appropriate classes. It took a lot of work for me to even convince her to just sit on the edge of the pool next to Josie with her class and watch. And she would only do it because I promised to sit right behind her the whole time. But then she totally shocked me by getting in the water when it was her turn! Each class she grew more and more confident—I think by the 4th class, she got through the whole class without crying.
Natalie actually got in the water!! Not the best picture, but just after I took it, the lifeguard blew her whistle at me and informed me that taking photos in the pool is not allowed.

Thursday was her last class of the 8-week session and she’s come such a long way! She is still a little nervous in the water, but Chris and I got to watch her practice reaching and pulling, kicking, and even blowing bubbles. Already bath time is a lot easier because of swim lessons, too. Natalie will repeat being a “pike” again for the next session, but I do believe that she will continue to get more comfortable in the water and eventually learn to swim. We are so, so proud of our Natalie.

Proud swimmers! Photos are not permitted in the pool, so we had to settle for taking a picture outside, after Natalie and Josie’s last swim class of the session.

Now that Miranda is older, we face the challenges of her throwing food, rubbing food in her hair, and screaming because she wants to drink out of our water glasses, which of course results in a giant mess. And even at four, Natalie is a challenge at the table. It is hard for her to sit still for the whole meal, so she often gets up to sing a song or show us a trick in the middle of dinner. What she eats and how much she eats is a constant negotiation. Instead of dinnertime conversation, the words usually coming out of our mouths are:

“Natalie, please sit and eat your food!”
“Miranda, food is for eating, not throwing!”
“Ok, Natalie a few more bites!”
“The peas want to come to the party in your tummy!”
“Miranda, this is your cup!”
“Natalie, can you pretend to be a giant eating these tiny trees?”
“Ooh, look, Daddy is taking a bite—let’s all try taking a bite together!”
“Yes, you have to try at least one bite!”

The other problem with family dinners is the timing. The kids are hungry around 5 or 5:30, but Chris gets home from work at 6:30. So I either give the kids a snack and ruin their appetites, or try to distract the hungry, cranky children while also trying to cook dinner. Miranda turns into a pumpkin between 7 and 7:30, so we absolutely have to eat when Chris walks in the door. This is difficult given how cranky the kids are while I’m cooking. It’s not easy to cook with a toddler clinging to your pant legs or while holding said toddler.

Yesterday, since it was Valentine’s Day, I decided to feed the kids early so that Chris and I could enjoy a quiet dinner after they went to bed. And the whole evening went so much more smoothly. The girls were happier because they got to eat when they were hungry, and I was happier because it meant that more of dinner got eaten because they weren’t full of snacks. Chris was happy because instead of coming home and negotiating with Natalie to eat more while ducking the food Miranda was throwing, he got to come home and play with them before bed. I was happy to be able to cook dinner in relative peace. And it was a treat for Chris and I to be able to talk and linger over dinner instead of shovel food in while wrangling the kids.

So even though we have had some fun family dinners, are saying good-bye for a while. We’ll revisit you on the weekends and more often when the kids are a bit older!
Eat the food, not your foot!
Mid dinner song and dance
Look, I ate it all!
Dinner time antics

I guess “Scowly McScowls a lot” showed me….

I worked really, really hard to ensure that both of the girls were breastfed. After working so hard to overcome thrush and continue breastfeeding when Natalie was a baby, I took measures to ensure that Miranda and I never fought that battle. Aside from a little issue with oversupply, nursing Miranda was easy from the beginning. And from the beginning, nursing Miranda was very different than nursing Natalie. But in my determination to not compare the girls to each other, I neglected to notice or fully realize how different a nurser Miranda was. Which is how we got from Miranda being exclusively breastfed until she was 5 months, to where we are now: at almost 10 months, Miranda is only nursing once a day. Once she was introduced to bottles when I went back to work, she was hooked. And since (based on my experience with Natalie) it never occurred to me that Miranda would prefer bottles over nursing, I wasn’t careful about my supply. If she keeps nursing until her first birthday, I’ll be happy and surprised.

As much as I worry about Miranda’s immune system and miss the special bond that comes from nursing, bottles and formula have their advantages. It’s nice not being the only parent who can feed her in the middle of the night. And although bottle feeding requires carrying around a lot more stuff, it’s easier to feed her on the go with bottles, especially now that she can hold them herself. No matter what she eats, Miranda is happy and (despite a few minor illnesses) healthy. And that’s really all that matters.

And finally, because our beautiful daughters are always keeping us on our toes, they have totally switched places with respect to their feelings about baths. Miranda, who always loved the water and didn’t even flinch having her hair rinsed or water getting in her eyes, suddenly hates baths! And Natalie, who has always hated baths, especially having her hair washed, has discovered the joys of fancy shampoo and conditioner. Now she washes her own hair, tolerates rinsing much better and no longer freaks out (quite so much) the minute a bead of water starts descending down her forehead. The other day, she actually cheered when we announced that it was time to wash her hair. And Chris and I almost passed out from shock!

We are still unpacking—I’d say we’re about 80% done, but the last 20% is going to be a lot slower than the first 80%. Once things are a little more organized, I’ll post some pics of the apartment. I haven’t used our “real” camera much since the move, so until I get more organized, I’ll post these photos I’ve taken with my phone. And look for more posts about all of our “last hurrahs” in NJ….with all the packing, moving, and unpacking, the blog has once again taken a backseat. It may take a while, but I’ll catch up, I promise!

Natalie takes her toys out to the moving van. Chris and I pulled an all-nighter finishing the packing and loading
the van…..I think we are still recovering from it!

Boxes everywhere!

Natalie looks out our front window

Miranda “helps” unpack

Dining out We’ve been exploring all the good eats in our neighborhood,
including Cafe Steinhof.

Family breakfast Oatmeal for everyone!

Water baby Miranda bathes in our new kitchen sink!

Meema and PopPop visit And of course, we took them to the park
Getting by with a little help from our friends Tamara helps Natalie with a new park skill: sliding down the fireman pole!
Subway girl There was one part of the train ride that was above ground. Natalie looked out the window and shouted, "WOW, I can see the whole TOWN!" I think the other riders could sense we are new to the city!
Baby straphanger Miranda’s first subway ride!

Spray-ground Apparently all the playgrounds in Prospect Park have some water
features that automatically turn on when it gets hot. Sweet!

Grandma visits Natalie is excited to show all our visitors the park

Natalie helping Miranda slide

Practicing her scooter

Miranda getting friendly with the neighbors There are so many dogs in Brooklyn!

Natalie and Josie dance in the street At the 12th street block party!

So, what are these big decisions and major life changes? First, I’ve tendered my resignation at Womanspace, where I have worked as a counselor/advocate (and most recently as the program coordinator for Counseling and Support Services) for the past 8 years. And second, we’ve decided to move to Brooklyn.

I loved my job and almost everything about it: my fantastic coworkers who are like family to me and my amazing clients, whose strength and resolve inspire me to be a better, more grateful person. I feel absolutely privileged that I got to be part of so many women’s (and a few men’s) journeys towards safer, healthier, more fulfilled lives. I think there is no greater gift than to be a major catalyst for someone healing from the trauma domestic violence and/or sexual assault. I had the honor of working with some clients for years as they went from having zero self-esteem, zero hope, zero resources and zero support systems to living rich, full lives free from abuse. But it is time for me to stop. The thick skin I developed over 8 years (a thick skin is the only way to stay sane in my line of work) got stripped away while I was on maternity leave with Miranda. When I went back to work, each story I heard sounded more horrific than the last. Call it vicarious trauma, call it compassion fatigue, or call it burn out….all I know is that I am ready to take a break from this work.

Womanspace crew At the baby shower they threw me before Miranda was born.
Susan, Amarilys, Ellen, Alana, Christine, Martina, me, Abby (with sleeping Annabelle)

More than that, I’m ready to spend more quality time with Natalie and Miranda. Working full time with one child is hard enough, but with two I really didn’t feel like I was spending enough time with either of them. Mornings were a rush of getting everyone dressed, packed up, and out the door. Evenings were a rush of getting dinner made, eating, and getting ready for bed. I’m looking forward to slowing down and having the luxury of playing, reading, and just being with the girls.

Sisters Really, who wouldn’t want to spend more time with these two?

Once I made the decision to quit my job and try my hand at stay-at-home-mothering for a while, the decision to move to Brooklyn was a no-brainer. Chris has been commuting about 4 hours a day into Manhattan for almost the past 5 years. Chris, of course, never complains, but I’ve often bitterly complained about the amount of time the commute takes away from our time together as a family. Recently, NJ Transit increased their rates, which pushed our commuting costs to over $500 a month. And lately, the trains have been subject to major delays (i.e. over an hour or sometimes as long as 4 hours) more often than usual. Moving to Brooklyn has been a lofty idea we’ve toyed with for a long time. Now that my time at Womanspace will be over as of August 20th, moving to Brooklyn became a realistic option.

So… we made it a reality! Since the last time I updated this blog, we’ve found a renter for our house and signed a lease on an apartment in Park Slope, Brooklyn. Our new place is on 12th Street, a beautifully tree-lined street with picturesque brick and stone buildings. We will be half a block from Prospect Park and it’s Harmony Playground. We will be 2 blocks from a highly-rated elementary school, P.S. 107, John W. Kimball.

New Home: Park Slope

So in moving to Brooklyn, we are basically trading space for time. It seems odd, as most of our peers are moving into bigger houses, that we are choosing to move from our 3-bedroom home to a 2 bedroom apartment with approximately half as much space. But we are actually relishing the opportunity to rid ourselves of excess stuff and live a simpler, less-cluttered, and hopefully, happier life. Because in reality, it is not our spacious house or the stuff we put in it that makes us happy. What makes us happy is to spend time together as a family.

In addition to reducing Chris’ commuting time and our commuting costs, living in an apartment will afford us more time to spend together in general. Weekends can be spent visiting museums, parks, zoos, and all the other great things NYC has to offer, because we will have less space and 1 fewer bathroom to keep clean. Although I will miss my garden and am sad to leave it after all the work we’ve put into it, its maintenance was a drain on our time and wallets.

Finally, we are confident that Brooklyn will be a fine place to raise our girls. There’s nothing wrong with New Jersey, of course, and we love our house and town, but Brooklyn has certain advantages that cannot be found in our current location. We are hoping to immerse the girls in more diversity, more art, and more music. We are thrilled about being able to instill the values of city-living (i.e. walking not driving, having less stuff, befriending different kinds of people, etc) in Natalie and Miranda.

Although we are sad to be further away from our parents and friends, we will be moving closer to numerous family and friends who live in Brooklyn. Since I will be a stay-at-home-mom, I will have lots of time on my hands to drive to NJ for visits. Certainly we do not intend to lessen the time that Natalie and Miranda get to spend with their awesome grandparents. And we just rented our house for a year. If we find that city living isn’t for us, there’s always the option of moving back!

Before we left we debated about whether or not to go. I took Natalie to the pediatrician to make sure she didn’t have any infections as she’d been running a fever for two days. But she was eating, drinking, and sleeping fine, and pretty much acting normal. The doctor said it was just a virus, so we decided to chance it. Of course in retrospect, that was a big mistake. Almost as soon as we got to the campsite, Natalie became fragile, clingy, and cranky. Any little problem set her off. She wanted to be held all the time. She had trouble sleeping*. A few times, twice at 4:30 am, she had complete, utter meltdowns that took her a very long time to recover from. She started picking at her chapped lips so much that they cracked and bled, which incited more meltdowns. Whenever she cried, her nose ran, which made her cry even harder, which made her nose run more—you see the problem. She often melted down upon waking up, which we realized was because she had to pee, but felt too tired to walk to the bathrooms. We bought a potty for her to use in the tent, but she didn’t always want to do that.

At one point, after a particularly bad meltdown, Natalie wanted mommy-and-only-mommy, and Miranda needed to nurse. Since Miranda is very easy to soothe and hasn’t yet gotten into a bad cycle of continuing-to-be-upset-as-a-result-of-being-upset, Chris held Miranda off while I tried to calm Natalie down. At a certain point, I had to feed Miranda, and it broke my heart that I couldn’t meet both of their needs at once. Natalie was still upset when I got to Miranda, and at that point, Miranda was as upset as she’s ever gotten. She nursed, but stopped every minute or so to scream at me for making her wait so long. When both girls were finally calm I felt like sobbing. I felt like I could *almost* imagine what my friend Lindsay, who has a girl Natalie’s age and triplet 10-month-old boys, must face multiple times a day. At this age, and even in that situation, the girls’ needs are pretty simple. And yet at that moment mothering them felt like an overwhelming responsibility.

Another thing we learned (although we already knew!) is that we have amazing friends. If Jodi and Jay hadn’t been there to support us, we never would have attempted, or made it through the trip. And the girls are so comfortable with them that when they were having good moments, they were just as happy to sit on their laps, be carried by them, or fall asleep laying against them.

Finally, Chris and I affirmed that we are a good parenting team. Monday marked our 7th wedding anniversary, which was fitting since it was one of the more challenging experiences we’ve had since getting married. Even though the weekend was extremely stressful, we stuck together. Our parenting styles are complementary, which is a good thing since this weekend, we needed all our tricks to survive.

Here are the pictures, which as I said, reflect an entirely different experience than the one I just described.
Natalie’s funny face
Look who’s old enough for back carries!
All the comforts of home
Funny faces
Ducklings on the lake
Mad faces
Chubby legs I guess Miranda’s socks are too tight!
The burn on Miranda’s arm Apparently our kids are destined to be scarred by the time they are 4 months. A flaming piece of wood popped out of the campfire and landed on Miranda’s arm. She didn’t cry even though it blistered almost immediately. Chris and I have both camped our entire lives and never had anything like that happen before.
Natalie in the coal mine On a rainy day we went on a tour of the Lakawanna coal mine. A lot of the details went over Natalie’s head of course, but it was fun to go so far underground.
Natalie shows off her rocks She sorted them in order of sparkliness.
Miranda and Natalie bundled up Finally calm after they both had complete meltdowns. Thank goodness for episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba on my iPhone.
Miranda with Auntie Jodi in the hammock
Natalie smiling Funny that we got lots of pictures of Natalie smiling on the trip, even though she was pretty miserable overall!
Eating pancakes in the screen tent
Hikers
The hiking trail was surrounded by these pretty flowers
Jodi and Jay
Miranda asleep on my back
Tree on the trail
Natalie with Auntie Jodi
Chris wearing a tired Natalie
Hiking while wearing the kids On our 7th wedding anniversary!
Happy after a nursing break
Stopping for a snack
Miranda with Auntie Jodi
Miranda and Mama
Ganoga Falls
On the edge In more ways than one….Natalie started melting down right after this photo was taken.
Overlooking a 90-foot waterfall The map said the trail to these falls was 3 miles, but according to my Nike+, it was 5.5!!
The lake on our campsite One last photo before we headed home. We chose to start a 4-hour drive at 10 pm rather that suffer through another horrendous night and morning. Hopefully our next camping trip will be better!

*The first night we all had trouble sleeping since the couple camping in the site across from ours stayed up until 3 am arguing. Loudly. Every other word out of the woman’s mouth was f—ing. That combined with Natalie waking up crying, Miranda waking up to nurse and both girls wanting to be held by mommy at the same time made for very little sleep for all of us. Then Natalie started the day at 4:30 am with a long, terrible meltdown.

Taking the path of least resistance is scary because it forces parents to hand over control to the child. Losing control, in my estimation, is what makes parenting so frustrating. But letting go and trusting that things will come together is a good life lesson, especially for control freaks like me. What we’ve found in making this our parenting style, is that an opportunity always presented itself for making changes when the child is ready. And our patience in waiting for those opportunities was always rewarded with smooth transitions.

Fitting with my trying to control things, before Miranda was born, I planned on doing things differently in terms of sleep. I planned to get her sleeping in her crib, in her own room from day one so she would be used to it, because part of me still thought that Natalie was a “bad” sleeper because we did something wrong. Luckily, when Miranda was born, I came to my senses and remembered some good advice about sleep and survival in the first 12 weeks: by any means necessary. In other words, follow your baby, not the “experts.”

I also discovered that when Miranda was born, I had absolutely no desire to put her down. Ever. Parenting an infant for the second time makes you realize how quickly it passes and how you have to treasure each moment. So I think for the first two weeks (at least) I parked myself on the couch and Miranda slept snuggled against me. Or Chris, on the occasion that I had to, you know, eat, use the bathroom, shower, and spend time with Natalie.

And so far, Miranda has been a great sleeper (knocking wood furiously!). With the exception of a couple of weeks where she was fussy and hard to settle in the evening, Miranda has been amazingly easy going. We figured out her sleep formula early on (swaddle, pacifier, vibrating bouncy seat, white noise) and as long as we stuck with that, she’s been sleeping fine. At night, she’s been starting out in the bouncy seat and when she woke up to eat, I brought her in bed with me, where she also slept well.

At her two month check-up, I let the doctor get in my head and it knocked me off my game. Dr. Stephen (who I LOVE as a pediatrician, by the way) asked how Miranda was sleeping and I told her everything was fine. Then I said (only half-seriously) that I was a bit worried about what would happen when Miranda outgrew the bouncy seat and that I was considering buying a vibrating crib mattress. Big mistake. Of course Dr. Stephen replied by telling me that Miranda shouldn’t have to rely on vibrations to sleep, and that it would be best to try and get her used to the crib as soon as possible. And I immediately panicked, thought about how I was doing it all wrong, and went home determined to get Miranda sleeping in her crib.

“Operation-get-Miranda-to-sleep-in-her-crib” actually started out okay. I think she slept for 3 hours or so in the crib at the start of the night. But when she woke up to nurse, I couldn’t get her to stay asleep in the crib for more than five minutes. Finally, at 2 am, after an hour of picking her up, rocking her, burping her, nursing her, walking her, re-swaddling her, etc, etc, every 5 minutes I came to my senses. I remembered that sleep is more important than doing it “right” (whatever the hell that means) and that if I was patient, ignored the “experts” and followed Miranda, an opportunity would present itself at the time when Miranda was ready to sleep in her crib.

This weekend, opportunity knocked—a lot sooner than I anticipated! First, Miranda took a nap in her bouncy seat, unswaddled. She had fallen asleep in the mei tai carrier while I was at the farmer’s market and I had already transferred her into the car, and then from the car into the house. Since she was already asleep, I didn’t want to disturb her by wrangling her into the swaddle blanket. We’ve done it before because she wouldn’t stay asleep otherwise, but I decided to risk it. Much to my delight, she slept for over an hour!

Later that afternoon, while we were working in the yard, Miranda was laying on a blanket. She became fussy, which I didn’t quite understand because she had recently woken up from a good nap, was fed, and had a clean, dry diaper. My hands were covered in dirt from gardening, so rather than pick her up, I just stuck the pacifier in her mouth whenever it fell out. That seemed to be all she needed to calm down. Then, despite the noise of Natalie dropping rocks into a metal bucket and numerous squawking birds, Miranda fell asleep. On her own. Unswaddled. And she slept like that, on a blanket in the shade, for over an hour. Given our history with sleep challenges, we were quite shocked. So astounded that we documented the milestone with pictures:

Lounging Miranda She hasn’t quite settled on which finger to suck on and goes back and forth between her thumb and other fingers.
Miranda fell asleep on her own!!
Conked out

That night, Miranda went to sleep in her crib without a problem. We did swaddle her, since we didn’t want to change more than one part of the routine at once. She slept for 4 hours, I got up to nurse her and she went back to sleep in her crib without a problem and slept for another 4 hours. Then she slept another 2 hours in bed with us. The next night, she woke up after 45 minutes to nurse (she was so tired when I initially put her down that she hadn’t really eaten a full “meal”). She was smiling at me when I put her back in the crib, as if she thought she was waking up from a nap. I decided to try and leave the room while she was still wide awake, just to see what would happen. She fell asleep by herself and stayed asleep for another 4 hour stretch. And at 6 am, I kid you not, Miranda woke up laughing. When I brought her into bed, she fell asleep again with a smile on her face.

Natalie too has been working on staying in her room all night until morning (we implemented a sticker chart that has led to a 100% improvement). Since waking up to two smiling, happy girls in the morning is too precious to miss, we’re sticking with co-sleeping for those last couple of hours of the night. We often are rewarded on the weekends not only with waking up to happy smiles, but with kids who sleep until 10 am. I don’t want to jinx it, but at least for now, we’ve got the best of both worlds. And we got there by following the babies, not the experts.

Blooming

Meema, Pop Pop and I took the girls to Brooklyn to meet Uncle David to see the cherry blossoms at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden. The weather was perfect, the trees were in full bloom, and we had a lovely time. Natalie bonded very sweetly with Uncle David, who indulged her with lots of fun physical play. I think she must have said, “do it again, Uncle David!” about a hundred times throughout the day. After leaving the Garden, we met Chris for dinner and had a delicious meal at The Farm on Adderley.

The only part of the day that wasn’t wonderful was the drive to Brooklyn. It took four hours to reach our destination! There was horrible traffic at least 50% of the time and I think Miranda screamed about 70% of the time. We cannot figure out what about the car upsets her so much, but she hates it. We stopped once in Staten Island to take a break and she as soon as she saw Meema’s face, she was all smiles. While we were stopped, I left the car on too long and the battery died and we had to get a jump. But our time with David at the Gardens was well worth the hellacious trip.
Family trip To the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens!
Sleeping babe
Upside-down
“They smell like strawberry ice cream!”

Running with joy
Mulch shower
Spinning
Blossom
DSC_0053.jpg
Ahhhhh!
Yay!
Meema & Pop Pop
Mei Tai Miranda
Flying!
Good catch, Uncle David
Yellow Magnolia
Miranda’s awake!
Magnolia
Tulips!
Hitching a ride